Wow, it was a rough a week during our visit to Bluewater Lake. I received an early morning phone call on August 2. When I saw it was from my brother in California, I thought my dad had fallen again, but this time it was my mom. She passed away in the early hours of the morning.
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| Kathleen (Kay) LaVerne Ferreira Musser - 1922 to 2016 |
People always say that even when it's expected, or a long time coming, death is still a shock. I never understood that, but now I do. My mom was a super strong, healthy person physically, but she had dementia for many years and was in a facility for dementia patients for five or so years. It seems longer than that...
Mom and Dad before they were married, San Francisco, CA
She was on hospice care a few times and always rallied. But this time she didn't. She would have been 94 on September 8.
I think the family is relieved as well as sad. My mom's condition has been very hard on my dad, Frank, who will be 94 in November. They've lived apart for more than five years and my mom didn't know him, didn't react at all when he visited. He had already lost his wife, but couldn't mourn her because she was still living. It wasn't an easy situation. I think it's a good thing that he can stop worrying about her, and finally go through the mourning process.
Dad and Mom showing home movies at the San Mateo, CA house
My mom and dad were married for more than 75 years and were one of those old-fashioned couples who loved each other and did everything together. I never heard them argue when I was growing up. My dad worked and took care of the outside of the house, mowed the lawn, washed the cars, etc, and my mom stayed home while I was growing up and took care of the kids and did the shopping, cooked the meals, did the washing, ironing and the housework.
Mom and Dad at the Trevi Fountain, Rome April 1970
She always said, "I wait on your dad hand and foot." And she did. He was the boss, but looking back, I think she actually had most of the power. You know how that goes!
They had a good life together, and three children who are all doing well, eight grandkids and even great-grandkids. They have a lot to be proud of.
You were loved, and you will be missed. Rest in Peace, Mom.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI've been following your blog for a while and haven't commented until now. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. Losing a mom is so hard, my thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry that you have lost your Mother again. I found that my mother's death to redefine my place in the universe.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of the passing of your mother, and it is always a hard time to get through, but in time as you realize that her pain is behind her it will be easier for you, your father and your siblings... I pray the lord comforts all of you in this loss..
ReplyDeleteA beautiful tribute. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteSweet words. No matter how old we are, it always seems so strange when our parents die. We have known them for so long and shared so much. It will be sad without her.
ReplyDeleteVery sincere condolences to you.
ReplyDeleteOur moms are very special loved ones. Never easy to give up. 💝
My sincere condolences upon the death of your mother. Irrespective of her mental state, it is always hard to lose a parent. That you can eulogize her so well is a true testament to your love for her.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. I'm losing my mum and dad, little by little, to dementia. It's a hard way to go, for all involved. I hope the memories you shared and created can bring you solace and fill your heart with love and joy
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry for your loss. The passing of my mom last year still feels fresh to me and the shock of that moment when I found out just as strong. It's never easy, no matter how prepared you think you are for it. My heart goes out to you.
ReplyDeleteNina
So sorry for your loss. MY mothe passed from Alzheimer's. It is a difficult way to go. It was sad with relief mixed in also.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a huge loss, your mom. Even though she didn't know your dad anymore, there was still love there. There will always be love there. 75 years of marriage, what an amazing thing. Hugs to you and the rest of your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Barbara. No matter the fact that you know death is coming, it really is difficult. My mom also had dementia and I was with her when she died. I had such mixed feelings but now I have wonderful memories. Hugs to you.
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ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss Barb... your pictures of your mom she was a beautiful lady... they are always missed you no matter what.. my mom died over 40 years ago... and I still miss her... I'm glad things will be easier for your dad now I'm sure he will miss her also even though she was lost to him to that dreaded disease...so sorry
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss Barb... your pictures of your mom she was a beautiful lady... they are always missed you no matter what.. my mom died over 40 years ago... and I still miss her... I'm glad things will be easier for your dad now I'm sure he will miss her also even though she was lost to him to that dreaded disease...so sorry
ReplyDeleteBarb, I am sorry to hear of your Mom's passing. It is always hard to bear no matter what the circumstances. Your Mom was a beautiful woman, and it sounds like you had the traditional upbringing that I had. I wouldn't take anything for being raised by a Mom and Dad like that. I hope you can find peace knowing she is at peace at last.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, so sorry for your lose. Prayers of comfort to you and your family. Becki
ReplyDeleteBarbara, so sorry for your lose. Prayers of comfort to you and your family. Becki
ReplyDeleteOh, Barbara, life takes such a difficult turn when it's one of your immediate family. And when it's your Mom, I can imagine it rocks your world, regardless of the situation. But it sounds like relief that she was able to release the bonds of her physicality. I know it will be tough on your Dad just knowing she's gone, but hopefully he can find some comfort in the memories they shared. It was a lovely tribute...
ReplyDeleteCrikey Mum and I are so sorry to hear this. A blessing in a lot of ways but to lose one's Mom, in any circumstances, is always hard. She and your Dad sound like wonderful people. I lost my Nan last November, aged 96. My Mum found it VERY hard and misses her every day. Our thoughts are with you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear of your loss. It is always hard to say goodbye to a loved one.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry for your loss. One year ago I lost my dad while we were away on vacation. That was a terrible shock as we were going to visit him the following evening. Hang in there and remember the happy times.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your loss. I have followed your blog for awhile but have never commented. Losing a parent is hard especially a mom. Prayers for you and your family
ReplyDeleteIt is always hard even when we know it is coming. My Mom has dementia as well and has been hanging on for quite a while. Really hard to see her like this, and so sad.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss.
It is so hard to lose your parents. I'm so sorry you are going through this but understand the good and bad of it. As sad as it is, your dad can truly mourn now just like you said. Prayers for you.
ReplyDeleteMy sympathies on the passing of your mother. I hope you find some consolation in the sweet memories you have of the times when she was healthy.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss Barbara. May she RIP
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your mother's passing. That was a lovely tribute.
ReplyDeleteOh, Barbara, so sorry. No matter how they are, it is a sad time. You look so much like her! She is in a great place now. What a wonderful marriage they had!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thoughts on your mom aa well as your parents. She had a beautiful life. My mom's story is much the same regarding the dementia. I totally understand. Sending love and hugs!!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful thoughts on your mom aa well as your parents. She had a beautiful life. My mom's story is much the same regarding the dementia. I totally understand. Sending love and hugs!!
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about your mother. She was a beautiful woman, and you resemble her very much. It is never easy to lose a parent,no matter what the circumstances. Jim's dad had Alzheimer's and it was a relief when he died unexpectedly from a sudden stroke, since he no longer recognized anyone. Hope your dad can be at peace now.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss. What a lovely love story. Hopefully your father will adjust and enjoy some happy memories.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to to hear about your Mum, she is at peace now, and you can relax knowing she is whole again.
ReplyDeleteHugs
I agree there is nothing to prepare us for the loss of a loved one. Take time to mourn, remember her fondly (as you have done here) and grieve in your own way. There is no timeline for this.
ReplyDeleteSorry to read your mom has died. It is never easy to lose someone we love and there is no preparing for the reality. Like with your mom we watched dementia rob Tom's mom of all her memories and when she left us we rejoiced that she was now at peace but that did not make the sadness of the loss any less it just made it final. As you go through your own grief process, and it will take time and that is okay, hold on to the good memories.
ReplyDeleteSorry for your loss, it's never easy losing a loved one. May she rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss and sadness. My dad had dementia for the last 3 years of his life, so I understand your comment saying your dad had already lost her but couldn't mourn her because she was still living. May you find comfort in all your precious memories and the support of loving family and friends.
ReplyDeleteThank you Barbara for sharing even your most intimate moments with us. Praying blessings for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss of your mom, Barbara. You were so lucky to have her as long as you did. My died when I was 5, so it's hard to imagine how awesome it would have been to have her even a few years longer. Hospice is a wonderful thing. I am a hospice volunteer and it is wonderful to be with and or help the family of someone dying, so they can be at home peacefully. With time your heart will heal and you can remember all of the joy she brought you.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, I'm sorry for your family's grief. Much love to you.
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